Finally Finn (Los Rancheros #4) Read online

  “Sure, we can hang your pictures up here if you want. Let me see what you drew.” Bridgette hands me a piece of paper with a rectangle on stilts. “Wow, this looks great. What is it?”

  “It’s a horse because I just love horses. They eat apples and carrots, and run as fast as the wind, and their hair is so soft. I want to braid it and ride them forever and ever and ever,” she says all in one breath. I blink at her.

  “You like horses, huh?”

  “Only more than anything else in the entire world. More than Barbies and puppies and Dora.”

  “That’s a lot. So why am I taking you to jazz and gymnastics instead of riding?” I ask her.

  Her face immediately scrunches up. “Uncle Finn hates horses. He said they should be glue and he would never own one, so we can’t have any.” Hold the cheese. Uncle?

  “Hmm.” I’m distracted by the warring emotions running through my head. I’m relieved that he hadn’t been keeping his children a secret, though he is obviously a big part of their life. I’m relieved that though he barely sees the kids, it seems like that they aren’t his kids to raise. I’m also weirdly disappointed that they aren’t a part of him.

  “Hey, what’s that up there?” Hannah asks from the living room. I round the corner and see her pointing to a tea set on the highest shelf of the inlayed entertainment center. I take a deep breath.

  “That’s a long story.”

  “Can we play with it?” Bridgette asks. I roll my lips in and bite them in hesitation.

  “Sit down on the couch and I’ll tell you about it, okay?” The girls sit on my modern, white leather couch, their little legs sticking out straight so that I can see the bottom of their shoes when I set the tea set down on the coffee table in front of them. It’s an antique, bubblegum pink with flowers painted all over. On top of the teapot is a neon pink wig.

  I wedge myself between the girls and put my arms around their skinny shoulders. I wonder for the first time, as they snuggle into me, if they’ve been missing affection. I’m so used to being alone that my guilt has me immediately pulling them closer. All of these thoughts swirl around as I try to talk about Rachel. Batty and I never have after that first day, but it feels right somehow to tell them.

  “I met your Uncle Finn when I went to a hospital to see sick kids.”

  “Why did you go see them?” Bridgette asks.

  “Because . . . they have to stay there, sometimes for a long time and it’s not fun. Uncle Finn dresses up as Batman and tells stories to them. It makes them happy.” The girls giggle, making me smile. “I saw him in his Batman cape and decided I would be his sidekick.”

  “Robin?” Hannah asks. I look at her, surprised. She shrugs.

  “The boys at school are always talking about their superheroes.” When she rolls her eyes, it makes me giggle.

  “Rachel was a sick little girl that had parents that liked to go to church.”

  “What was wrong with her?”

  “She had cancer, her body was sick and the doctors had to give her really strong medicine that made her not feel good.” I look from one to the other to gauge how my explanation is going.

  “She had cancer like my mom?” Hannah asks in the weakest voice I’ve heard from her and my body breaks out in goose bumps. I swallow hard and give her a nod. She looks down and fidgets with the hem of my shirt. “My mom wouldn’t take the medicine,” she mumbles. If it wasn’t so silent, I wouldn’t have heard her. So many puzzle pieces are fitting together, yet there are still so many holes.

  “She didn’t want the medicine?” I ask gently, not knowing if she needed to talk about it or if I was being a selfish bitch wanting to know what happened.

  “Grandpa says that she had wanted to have us more than she wanted to get better.” Oh. My. God. My nose burns and my eyes flood, but Hannah isn’t crying and neither is Bridgette, so I don’t, either.

  No one says anything for a few minutes until I whisper, “Do you want to hear about Rachel?” Both nod eagerly, seeming to shake themselves out of their thoughts. I lick my lips and look back at the tea set as I finger comb their hair absently, hoping to sooth all of us.

  “Rachel’s parents were gone on Sundays to church, and that’s the day Ba—Uncle Finn and I go to there. This time I went, Rachel was really sick and she couldn’t eat anything, but she wished she could. Her mouth hurt from the medicine so I asked her if she wanted to pretend. I asked her what color hair she would want, if she could choose any color in the world. I nod to the wig on the teapot. “She picked pink and we had a tea party in her room with stuffed animals and dolls and imagined we were eating our favorite foods in the whole world.”

  “Even Uncle Finn?” Bridgette giggles.

  “Yes. Even your Uncle Finn. He loves tea parties.” Both girls giggle and the air in the room is light for a minute.

  “Rachel died, didn’t she?” Hannah asks with her too grown up eyes. I nod, unable to tell her I was there. That she was laughing and playing one second and the next she was just . . . gone.

  Bridgette sits up abruptly and faces us. “Hey! It’s the weekend! Can we stay here until Sunday? We should go to the hospital. Uncle Finn can’t come so we should go so the kids won’t be sad. Can we go? Can we please go?” She bounces on the couch, shaking Hannah and me. I look to the other twin.

  “It’s up to you. The kids don’t want you to feel sorry for them, even if they don’t have any hair and can’t get out of their beds sometimes. They want to be normal like you two.” Hannah studies my face solemnly.

  “I wanna go. Do you want to go Bridge?” Bridgette jumps up and starts bouncing around the room.

  “Can we have a tea party like you had with Rachel? Please, please, please!” Bridgette crashes back onto the couch.

  “Yeah. Let me see what I can find in the closet for guests.” I get up and move to the hall closet where I look through bags of toy guns, dolls, stuffed animals, and pretend snakes. After months of giving kids their last wishes, I’ve accumulated a ton of props. I hand over several stuffed animals and dolls then sit on the floor, using the coffee table as the dining table.

  The girls have on tiaras and sunglasses, boas around their necks as they hold their teacups with two fingers. I laugh until I cry and then I laugh because I can’t stop crying. It’s such a perfectly imperfect moment that I think if there are angels that Rachel and the kids’ mom would be here right now, maybe sharing a drink with the turtle and giraffe.

  I put a hand to my heart as it starts to burn, feeling too big for my chest. Jesus, am I the Grinch?

  “Are you okay, Aunt Sadie?” Bridgette asks. I sniff and hold up my cup.

  “No, Lady Brennick. I’ll take another sugar cube in my tea, please.” That sets the girls off again and I watch with a smile as I sip my pretend tea, and eat pretend cake. It’s the best meal I’ve had in a long time.

  ~

  I make a pallet of blankets on the shag rug in the living room and we have a slumber party. The tea set is put away and the girls are passed out when the phone rings. I step out onto the deck to answer it then sit in my favorite chaise.

  “Hello?” I answer quietly.

  “Hey, baby. Sorry I didn’t call you sooner, how was your day?” He sounds so tired, maybe as tired as me.

  “Long. How was yours?”

  “It’s hell trying to get faxes and sit in on board meetings while my phone rings nonstop and try to be here for my dad.”

  “How is he?”

  “Good today. They’re making him walk, which is painful to even watch, but they’re worried about blood clots and fluid in the lungs so he has to start getting mobile. He hasn’t made it out of the room yet, but he’s getting stronger every day. Is that waves on your end? Where are you?” I blink.

  “Well, I thought you knew since I set it up with your secretary. I had to take the kids with me to L.A. to see your lawyers about the case.”

  “What? You didn’t drive all that way, did you? I could have set up a plane and—”
>
  “That’s what I had your secretary do, but we’re not flying back.”

  “Why, what happened?” he asks, concerned.

  “Hannah has sensitive ears. She screamed the whole time. It was awful.” I decide to give him some of that. I have been brushing everything under the rug, but he needs to know she can’t fly.

  “Oh my God, I had no idea. Is she okay? Do I need to come home?”

  “What? No. She was fine as soon as we landed. We’re just going to drive back.”

  “I’m getting a flight tonight. I can be there in a few hours.” He’s in a full panic.

  “Finnigan Brennick, listen to me right now!” I say in my sternest voice. “These kids are fine. I would have called you immediately if there was something wrong. I’ll have them call you in the morning, but they’re all passed out on the floor from the party we had tonight.”

  “Party?!” I roll my eyes with a smile.

  “Tea party.” My voice gets lower. “We had a tea party.”

  “Jesus fuck, Sadie. I don’t have many nerves left to shoot. Why would you . . .” he breaks off. “A tea party? Oh, Sadie with your grandma’s set? How did you deal with that?” he asks with full understanding.

  “Yeah,” I whisper shakily. “Well, they wanted to know about the wig, so we talked about Rachel.” I swallow and clear my throat. “Then they told me how their mom had cancer, too.”

  The waves crashing suddenly sound deafening.

  “They talked about her?” he asks, his voice raw.

  “Some. Uncle Finn.”

  “Yeah. They’re Aiden’s kids, Aiden’s wife.” My eyes narrow.

  “That you take care of. That you loved.”

  “Of course I loved her. She was my brother’s wife.” I’m shaking my head and standing before he’s done talking. I’ve been rolling it around in my head all night.

  “You don’t tattoo your whole chest for your sister-in-law. Aiden should have that tattoo, Finn.”

  “He does,” he snaps back. I close my eyes as the fight leaves me.

  “You both loved her.”

  “Yeah, and she picked him. What’s your fucking point? It’s ancient history, Sadie, dead and buried.” He gasps and I let the silence string out.

  “They call me Aunt Sadie, Finn, and you call me baby. So you better figure out what my fucking point is.”

  Chapter 6

  “I never knew you had a baby mama, Fandy.”

  “Yeah, well, I didn’t know you were a baby mama, Sadie girl,” he says, pulling me into a one armed hug.

  “Ollie’s up there too. The kids get along pretty good,” Danny offers. I nod and take the girls up the stairs of the two-story penthouse.

  “Who is that man?”

  “Why are there so many people here?”

  “Why are there so many cameras?”

  At the top of the stairs, I answer as best I can. “I have to work with the guys downstairs, you’ll stay up here and play, and I’ll be done in a few hours.”

  It isn’t until I close the playroom door that I realize my little speech could have sounded like I was shooting porn. Hopefully they don’t repeat any of that.

  Since Fandy’s house is a lot more posh than Danny’s or mine, the producers want us in silk and cashmere pajamas for the nighttime shoot. I almost fall asleep in the makeup chair. With the comfy pajamas and horrible night sleep I got, I’m lucky I didn’t end up with mascara on my forehead with how much my head was bobbing as I dozed. Turns out an ultramodern, white leather, minimalistic couch does not make for comfortable sleeping.

  Add to that a day with two Tasmanian devils of energy and me wanting to make up for the night before’s emotional mess, I had the genius fucking idea to take them to Universal Studios for the day. I thought it would make them happy and I could just walk behind them, maybe wave. No, this was no carousel. There were a million freaking people and they all kept bumping into each other. The adults have to ride most of the rides with the kids. I was jerked and twirled until I thought seriously about puking.

  I’m hoping the kids sleep past predawn. If not, I’m never doing that again.

  “Alright, you’re set.” The makeup crew dismiss me and I move to another room in the house where people are taping microphones to the men’s chests. I nudge a woman who’s bent over fixing the battery pack to the back of Danny’s pants.

  “How do you apply for a job like this?” She looks at me, not amused. I shrug. “You know, just in case I need a job one day.” Still nothing. I roll my eyes. “Oh, come on, there are worse things than feeling up these two.”

  She straightens and finally gives a little smirk as she stretches a piece of tape out. “Your turn. Shirt off.”

  “Ohhhh. Well, that’s not awkward at all,” I say over the guys laughing their asses off.

  ~

  “This dude is so up his own ass, he’s going to be hell to coach, you mark my words,” Fandy declares. Danny rolls his eyes.

  “Yeah, because you’re so humble.” Fandy throws his hands up.

  “Exactly! I know this dude. He’s me ten years ago.”

  “Fifteen,” I cough into my hand. Fandy shoots me a middle finger and Danny laughs. “Look, he’s got the looks, he’s got the raw talent. Yeah, he’s a little Bieber for my tastes, but people are going crazy for that right now.”

  “Alright, alright. I say we see him live.” The boys look at me like I’ve grown another head and I roll my eyes. “Seriously. How are we going to know if he’s just a hot head, or if he can captivate a crowd of teenage girls? We have to go see him.” I shrug, that’s all there is to it.

  “Well, if we can do that, then there are a few more that I want to see. I had planned to have a nay vote, but if this is an option, I would rather see what they have before nixing them,” Danny says as he clicks through the bookmarks of the people we want in. There are a hundred links there, and only twenty will make it to the live shows. After the production crew stops freaking out about this new twist we came up with, we will have some hard decisions to make.

  “Alright, tag the ones you want. I want to watch them all again later.” I sit back.

  “Me too,” Danny agrees.

  “Okay, let’s find some more,” Fandy says, clicking through videos we’ve already watched to find more. There are people from all over the world that sing, I had no idea. It takes hours for us to look at the ones we want. Since we appointed ourselves with finding the talent, we don’t want to miss anything.

  “This one is good.”

  “Really good.”

  “Saved. Try that one.”

  And on it goes. Finally, we have to stop because the kids are falling asleep or crying upstairs and the sound cuts into the feed. But we still need to perform something for the camera. The kids get popsicles and we decide to do a Taylor Swift song called “Shake It Off.” It’s really popular and we’ve watched it enough to pick up the words. As we tend to do, nothing is rehearsed, and one of us automatically takes the lead. We work well together. Fandy stands up with his dreads and begins a soulful rendition of the fast song, and I fall into the chorus. At the semi-rap part, Danny comes through again, giving the most hysterical girl impression a six-foot something weight lifter can possibly pull off.

  As we do, we collapse onto the couch and laugh our asses off, making fun of each other and creating inside jokes from crazy mannerisms like the fact that Fandy has a way of flicking his dreads over his shoulder that could rival any Victoria Secret model.

  I just hope it comes across on screen.

  Chapter 7

  SUNDAY

  “You look so cute.”

  “No, you look so cute.”

  “No, you do!”

  “Okay, everybody is cute. Let’s not fight about everything, for the love of God,” I mumble as we get off the elevator. I think they’re both nervous, but they’ve been fighting all morning.

  “You look cute, too, Aunt Sadie,” Bridgette says with innocent eyes and a small voice that ma
kes me feel slightly bad for cutting them short. Slightly.

  “Thanks, kid.” Alyse is eyeing us like she doesn’t know what kids are, or why I’m with them. “Hey, Alyse. Is it okay if they come in with me? I’m babysitting.”

  Her eyes narrow. “No kids are allowed in that aren’t admitted. I’m sorry.”

  “They have to come in or I can’t. They’re really excited to see everyone.”

  “I’m sorry, it’s against policy.”

  “Look. These are Batman’s kids.” I widen my eyes for their benefit. “He can’t make it today and they’re with me. I would hate for both of us not to show up.” I look at the girls and they’re both giving their best puppy dog looks with full lower lips. Alyse sighs.

  “They would have to wear masks and never take them off. I could get in a lot of trouble. They aren’t sick in any way, are they? Have they washed their hands?”

  I smile. “We’ll all go wash our hands again right now, even though they did before we left the house and I practically bathed them in Purell before we got here.”

  “She really did. It got in my hair, see?” Hannah holds up a length of stiff hair as evidence and Alyse hands over the masks. I secure the straps around their little ears and we go down the hall to the restrooms. When we get back, Alyse pushes the button for the automatic doors and we walk in.

  “Robin! She’s here, she’s here!” one kid runs to tell the others. “Where’s Batman?”

  I put a hand on both of the minions’ heads. “Batman sends his sincerest apologies and offers up his children as sacrifice for his absence. He had a mission to complete.”

  Another kid comes up. “Oh, was it the Joker again? Bane? He’s a bad one, too, you know.” He looks at the girls and they nod their heads eagerly.

  “It was totally him! Batman had a lead and couldn’t pass it up. I hope it’s okay we’re here instead,” Hannah says, completely into her role as sidekick, to me, the sidekick.

  “Yeah, I guess that’s cool,” the kid says grudgingly.

  “Hey, what movie are you watching?” Bridgette leads the way into the common area, and I give out hugs and fist bumps as they get caught up with the movie and introduced to the crowd. I take a seat in the miniature chair to the side and watch the girls with complete pride.